Bridesmaids - HE WANTS HIS SIS TO BE A BM... - MANYDA's Black Wedding by Color Blog

So tonight, my FH and I went out for dinner, and what started as a nice dinner, ended as an aruguement about wedding stuff. I just need to vent !!

As dinner ended I told him that because we are getting to the 200 day mark that within the next couple of weeks we should start working on the smaller but still important things little at a time.

he asks me
"like what?"
I tell him
"you know decideing on what we want to do for our centerpeices for sure and buying things little at a time"

i get:
"what? I thought you weren't buying stuff for centerpeices?!"

wtf....what makes you think i wasn't going to spend money on centerpeices? on to the next subject

"decideing on tuxes, talk to so and so about readings..." and this is when it started to all unravel

He tells me that he wants his sister to be a bridesmaids.
HELLO! my BMs are ordering their dresses in the next week, I would have to pick something...NOW! plus, he doesn't take into consideration that he may only have one sibling, and i have four. two brothers and two sisters.

I tell him that if he wants his sister, then we are having my two sisters and he will be using my two brothers as groomsmen and then proceed to find two replacement ushers.

he doesn't agree, he tells me that his sister is going to be "a big part of our lives?" What?! and mine aren't???? then proceeds to imply that because he has one sibling that he is especially close to her bcoz she's his one and only. And that i am not close to mine because i have so many more than he does. bcoz im ten years older than my youngest sibling, it must mean that she isn't as important to me as his sis is to him.

Yes, they are close but it's not like we see her everyday (she lives 3hrs away) or they meet up twice a week for lunch or even talk on the phone every other day.

OH I AM SOOOO MAD, i ended up storming out of the restaurant (we were done eating) and argueing all the way home.

I have no idea why he thinks it'd be ok for me to ask her but not my sisters or brothers. and he wants me to make sure i spend all this time getting to know his sis ( we aren't close. we like each other but i couldn't tell you anything specific about her)but i don't see him spending time with my siblings....GRRR!

I think you both should take some time to cool off, and then discuss this again. If it is going to create a huge argument and be an issue with ordering dresses, then just don't have any family in your wedding party. It's not fair that he wants you to have his sister as a BM, but won't ask your two brothers to be GM's. If he really wants his sister to be involved, you can ask her to help with plans, or say a reading at the ceremony.

Tell him that the BRIDESMAIDS are for the bride. If he wants her in the wedding party, say she can be a part of his side of the group. Of course, he'd be in charge of making sure she gets her dress, matches the rest, blahblah. Give him a lot of responsibilities and see what he does. Say you don't mind her being a part of it, but it won't be your deal.

I think this is a tricky situation. Half of me says screw him... I mean who is he to pick your bridesmaids. The more sensible part of me says make a compromise. If his sister wants to be a part of it then okay...but you should let him know the extra cost on her and that you don't want to burden her with that cost. If he says that it doesn't matter then okay. I'd suggest that you go with it but he needs to allow your siblings in also. Were you not planning on having them as bridesmaids previous to this?

I would not have handled that well if it had been my FH and I, lol. My thought is that if your brothers are ushers and your sisters are a part of the wedding, his sister could man the guest book table or something like that. Maybe she could do a reading? She could sing or play a song? Find something for her to do, but she doesn't need to be a BM if your sibs are not GMs and BMs. If it was my family, my sibs would be seriously hurt if my FH's sibs were in the wedding party and they weren't. My youngest sister is 13 years younger than me and she's our flower girl. My other sis and his 2 sisters are BMs, and our brothers are all GMs.

his attitude towards his relationship with his sibling being more precious than the relationship with your siblings kinda scares me. was he serious?

Yah that was not cool of him at all. You were very reasonable expecting your siblings to be in the party if his is.

i agree..if his sister is in the wedding your siblings should be too. my finance's sister is in the wedding and shes been the only one who has been a pain in my a** i told him the other night i dont want to be a bridezilla but she might just push me there!! but my brother is also in the wedding...his choice. which is why i asked his sister..i didnt want her to feel bad and after all she is going to be my sister.im sure everything will be okay.

whoa. That's harsh of him. Completely wrong to say just because he has one sibling he is closer than you are to yours. I yell BS. If you aren't having your sisters then don't have his either. He can have her stand up on his side. It's quite common now a days. Stand your ground girl! We have your back lol!

Oh man you have me going now too. that is not fair to just include his family. You should check out my vows post. My FH and I have had a few fights like this before. now we keep a copy of our vows with us and on our night stand to remind us of what we promised.
(not your traditional vows)

I had the same problem with my FMIL. My FH only has one brother, but has a few female cousins that are close to him in age. She wanted them to be bridesmaids...Ummm hello...bridesmaids are for the bride. I don't know these chicks..You should tell him since his sister is SOOO important to him. Have her stand up on HIS SIDE!...Its been done just like some brides have a man of honor.

Some way or another you both are goin to have to compromise, whether you use one of your sister and he use his. Why not have both of yours and his, unless your wedding party will be small. But goodluck with your decision.

I tell you this now because I hate for people to compromise in hopes that things will "cool off" or for you to just "get over it". My friend got married to a guy and they were of the understanding that she did not like his mother. After the wedding he told her he expected her to become "good friends" with his mother and couldn't understand why she wouldn't "put in any effort" to become friends with his mother. He said that his mother was a big part of his life and that she was going to have to become friends with her. He even went so far as to set up "dates" for them to try to get them to become friends. Trust me...argue about it now! You'll end up arguing about it at some point or another, so do it now. You can't let him be that unfair. He should feel ashamed of himself to suggest that your connections with your siblings are less than his is to his sister. Stick to your guns on this one, because if not it will only get worse.

manyda said...

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