Bridal Shower - Not sure what to do... - HERE2HELP's Blue Wedding by Color Blog

So my friend Sarah is getting married next month (March 21st). Her mom was supposed to throw her a bridal shower, but then decided to pick up and move to Houston. Before the wedding. Before the shower. So I talk to the bridesmaids, and suggest that we step in to throw her a shower (her MOH lives out of state), because otherwise she won't have one. The other girls entusiastically agree. So I tell Sarah of our plan, and ask her for date suggestions (she's very busy with work, school and such). We set the shower date for February 21st. I email the other bridesmaids and ask for any ideas or suggestions. Nothing. So I go meet with her future MIL and ask her if she would be willing to allow me to host the shower in her home, promising that she won't have to do anything for it. She agrees, then offers to take care of the beverages. Great! This all happened before christmas. Now its the beginning of February, and both bridesmaids are still unwilling to help out. Its just so frustrating. the invitations were sent out saying it was being hosted by the BM's, but I'M the one doing all the work. I asked the girls for about $60-75 each, so that I can buy food and finish off the decorations. They both seem kinda miffed that I asked them. I've already shelled out about $300 that i just don't have for it. I don't want to bother Sarah with this, because I want her to de-stress. So I figured I'd ask all you wonderful ladies were at WBC! What do you think I should do about the two BM's unwilling to help out??

**UPDATE**
Well, I got one of the BM's to agree to give me about $100. But she still has no ideas or input. The other one isn't answering any of my attempts to get ahold of her. And yes, I think $300 is a lot to spend...but she's marrying into a well-to-do family and they tend to be judgemental. I'm using a lot of pictures as decor and whatnot.

Gosh that seems expensive for a shower! What are you planning for it?

Mine is going to be hosted by my mum and MOH at mum's house, and all up will probably cost maybe $100 for all the food and decorations. We're not having that many guests though, are you inviting a lot of people?

300.00 does seem like a lot of money for a shower. Have you considered cutting back on the rest of the shower expenses instead of having the other BMs pay? Or, you could give them a list of things to buy, and have them do that, instead of having them give you money.

Are you able to reach the girls? Can you schedule a meeting to plan the party and let them know that you feel abandoned?

Let us know how it turns out.

A wedding shower is once in a lifetime. I know mine is out of state and is running that plus more. $300 probably covered invites, decorations, cake and a gift (thats average) You need to sit these girls down and give them responsibilities. Give them an option - either you 2 pick up this that (and the remainder of what you need) or you can just give me $60-70 each. And give them a deadline. Also if they get a bit upset - you should let them know that they have made a commitment and you gave them 3 months notice - if they saved $22 a month for 3 months - they should have had enough. In this case you are trying to be nice and curteous - but this occasion is not about them - its about the bride and you need to be assertive and yet polite - but in such a way that they comprehend their duties as Bridesmaids. I think Bridesmaids see their being part of a wedding as doing the Bride a favor. It should be treated as an honor. Im glad that you took the innitiative to do something noce, and majority of the financial responsibility (and your not the moh) Kudos!!!!! Id be such a proud bride Good luck!

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this drama and frustration. Let me tell you though, you're not alone; I've been there!! My roommate got married last July, and while the bridesmaids were supposed to plan the shower together, people got CHEAP and petty very quickly!! In my situation, the guest list was around 60 people. My mom, who's always been close to my roommate, helped me out with the shower. When all was said and done it probably cost $700. That includes the decorations, favors, food (which we bought & brought in), cake, church fee ($100). I think that how much you spend has so many variables, that it's unfair to say that you're spending too much. How many people are there? Where do you live? (There's NO way my shower in Chicago could be less than $300!!!) What is the taste of the bride? I agree that being frugal is important, but in the end the question is did you do what you think honors your friend in the best way possible?

As far as the other bridesmaids are concerned, I wouldn't get caught up in all of that. Some people are just raised differently. Maybe they've never been in a wedding, or they don't come from a family where hospitality is taught. Either way, if you try to deal with them about it, it more than likely will get back to the bride, and she shouldn't have to feel worse that all these people in her life are slackers. Do your best to get the cash from the BM's to help with the cost, but in the end, sometimes being a good friend means going above and beyond.

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